Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Why Chickens Are Evil

Chickens are evil demon birds from hell.

They really are.

I love them when they're on a plate in front of me, all cooked and edible. But when they're alive, and running around? NO. Absolutely not. They're evil.

This is a problem because my parents recently got chickens. There are now six of them running around in my backyard. Squawking and clucking and shedding feathers and crapping everywhere and CHASING ME!

And yes, I am fully aware of how stupid that is. I am over twenty years old. A fully grown, fairly competent adult. And I am afraid of chickens.

Please proceed to get your mocking out of the way now. Yes, yes, ha ha ha, she's scared of chickens, ha ha ha ha it's sooooo funny.

Done now? Good.

BUT THEY'RE EVIL! They really are! They RUN at me, all six of them, like they think I have food or something, and when I don't they try to PECK ME, because maybe they think that will make me give them food! NO, it won't! All that will make me do is screech and kick out at them. Stupid birds.

Now, if there is something between me and the chickens, like a fence or a wall or a town or something, then I'm fine with them. They can flap around and eat things and squawk all they like. Whatever, they can't get at me. But when there is nothing separating me from them, I have problems. It may be stupid, but there it is.

When I was little I was chased by chickens at a petting zoo, so I think that's what my dislike of them stems from. At least, that's my best guess. I could be totally wrong. But I don't think so. I think that chickens have always been out to get me, because I can see through their evil plans to take over the world!

Granted, those plans are kind of stupid, because chickens are pretty dumb. Said plans don't really have much chance of success, but... well. That doesn't change the fact that they're trying to kill us all in our sleep! Evil birds....

So that's my irrational rant about why chickens are evil. Do the world a favor; eat more chicken! Get more of the monsters out of the way so they can't plan to kill us all! Save the world by eating chicken! YOU CAN DO IT, I HAVE FAITH IN YOU!